Luv But Hate

Now remembering the days
When we spent most of class
in the dusty hallways
Now remembering the days
When someone caught us…
then we were speechless, embarassed…

Now I look back at everything
that happened
Now I look back and smile
wishing I can hug you just once more…

Sadly, without one word
you moved away….
I tried looking for you
in the hallways
Wondering if we are still friends
wondering why you are not in the halls
wondering why you can’t be there anymore…

Then one day,
you appeared,
outta nowhere
with your friend
who has a lotta hair
some other gangsters
and skateboarders….

You smiled
told me that you moved
said sorry
for not telling me
promise that
you will come back and visit…

Time by time,
you will appear outside
my classroom door
And sometimes,
you will appear
somewhere in the dusty halls…

Then I haven’t you in a year
my friends tell me
you do drugs and a lot of stuff
it made my heart tear
because we used to be so close together…

Yet, you appeared on my birthday
as if it was a surprise present 
Without thinking for another second
I threw my arms around you
as you said happy birthday
You asked me about my life
but I kept looking into your eyes
Wondering when I will see you again…

I wanted to talk for a little longer
Your friends with blue and green hair
looked very annoyed and they stared
At the asian girl and the gangster…
So you told me happy birthday again
and that you’ll visit when you can…

It has been another year
I wonder if you will still visit…
A month ago,
I was thinking about our freshmen year
As my car stopped in front of a traffic light
I looked outside and stared
You were crossing the road with another gangster
It made me smile,
cuz I get to see you again…
THe traffic light turned green
and I continued to look back
trying to safe the image of you
in the back of my head

Maybe two weeks ago,
I saw you again.
You were on solano
Yet I was in my car…

I hope one day,
You will visit again
And tell me that we are still friends
Even though we are not close anymore
I just want to know where you are
And I will see you again. 

Now I remember the days
when we spent most of class
in the dusty hallways…

————–
 

No, I don’t like him. don’t worry, I am not a fickle person…

————-

I shot her my warmest smile
I wondered if I am lying to her
I wondered if I hate her
I wondered if I am happy for her
or if I am sorry for her.

She looked at me and smiled back
She probably knows my past
Yet, she probably thinks that she’s the best
She has to be kidding herself.

Yet, we act like we are old friends.
She probably thinks that
I want to steal her boyfriend
I asked her if she wants to play a game
and I grabbed my racket
and she grabbed hers
And the fun begins

She aimed the ball at me,
trying to hit my face
or maybe my chest
She is trying so hard
to hurt me with the ball
but I just hit the ball back lightly
less energy than it would take
to kill an ant
I smiled at her as I hit the ball back
But she smashed it at me again
(no, baby, I am not trying to steal your boyfriend)
I hit the ball back lightly
Yet, she is stubborn and she doesnt understand
She smashed the ball again….
Of course, I wouldn’t let her hurt me…
But I didn’t hit it back
Because the ball hit the net…
(oh, stupid girl, I am not trying to steal your boyfriend)

She smiled warmly
She flipped her long and dry hair
that looked like a bunch of straw together
But I really don’t care.
I know what I look like
And I know I look better…

Just wanted to tell her that
I don’t want her boyfriend
So she would stop smashing with the ball
Because she has the strength of a man
I will actually get hurt under her hands

Just wanted to tell her that
I don’t want her boyfriend
Because I am not even jealous
And I deserve someone so much better
So please, I wanted her to back off
Because I know that she’ll suffer much more
when the time comes…
Yet, I dont tell her that she’ll suffer,
Instead, I smile at her warmly.
While she is still trying to smash the ball at me….

I wonder if she hates me.

——————–

I miss you.  

 ——————-

Having a tomboy for a girlfriend is like having a gay guy as your boyfriend.

—————-

Juliet WILL kill Romeo by herself.

Not only will she murder him.

But she will torture him

and break his heart

before she kills him….

Romeo is soooo dead…

Juliet will tear his bones out….

one by one

ligment by ligment….

Something called luv but hate…

Romeo is sooooo dead….

If the Romeo and Juliet scene (aka where they both commit suicide at different times during the same day) actually exists….

Juliet deserves to die 

She went through a billion types of Korean drama….

but not shakespeare!!!!!!

No, I refuse to believe that I have to go through one of Shakespeare’s plays “Romeo and Juliet”

and plus, everyone has to end up dying…

——-

Oh yeah, dont bother commenting if u have nothing comforting to say.

And if you are going to comment, please tell me that the Romeo and Juliet scene cannot exist in reality.

cuz Juliet is so f*cken scared right now because she thinks that Romeo did not reach the letter on time….

“parting is such sweet sorrow” ???

juliet’s going crazy, you fellow townspeople, just inform me that romeo is healthy…

 juliet is soooo going to hell….

 ———

I am in the ATDP summer program. There is only one white person in the class…and guess how that works, 2 of the guys in our class are half white and half azn. To make things worst, the teacher is azn too.

Guess what I am taking there? Advanced Reading and Writing.

The teacher divided the class into two groups for a debate…the topic, “is there an azn english?”

i think he is just trying to make us racist towards our own kind of ppl. Personally, I am beginning to hate the class, and I hate him even more…

Yesterday, he made asians yell back at other asians…

and some indian guy from central valley decided to say that azns have an accent because it’s just a “failure” to speak english….that’s why they try to learn the “American” culture and try to assimilate….

or whatever you know?

Do you see me assimilating into this white world lol? I started wearing the fobbiest clothes I can find and I started talking really loudly on the phone in cantonese to show that i m so f-ing proud to be azn….

SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE

I cant believe that the so-called azn teacher wants us to diss each other like that. it’s so wrong.

Then, we also have to read a book called Native Speaker, which is about an asian being harassed…what is wrong with this asian teacher, he is sooooo white washed, i dont know why he’s even teaching this class…

I dont even want to be in the class anymore, he’s just trying to get asian people to hate other asian people, also to get asian people to hate the class that is not asian…basically making everyone hate everyone because of their race.

Well, the teacher thinks that there is nothing wrong about talking about race, but in fact, everyone else is just shooting derogratory comments toward each other. Is that what we are suppose to learn in the class.

Well, guess what? I am proud to be AZN.  Unlike the other azns in that class who kept bashing each other…

I am about to kill the teacher.

Some white washed teacher….

Apologize

I hope it’s not too late to apologize. Even though four days has gone by, I still feel guilty about what I have done. I mean, I love all of you people…except it was a surprise to see him there again. Most people, they graduate from college, and I’ll never see them ever again, in MY LIFE.

Now, why, does he have to pop up everywhere?

It’s not like I see any cute college guys floating back from some UC just popping out from nowhere…

What a pathetic guy. I hate guys like this…

See, I am so nice, even though I hate him a lot, I still said hi to him, showing that I am a very nice and generous person…

I wanted to kill him.

I really didn’t mean to talk on the phone for more than an hour. I am really sorry people. I would be excited to cheer my friends on for the hot dog contest, or use some adjective like “freak” to describe the guy with the emo hair, or chase Wayne around with a water balloon.

But I was just not in the mood…

Someone always tries to ruin my life.

Ok, he did not ruin my life. He should be jealous cuz I have a better life than he does haha.

To think about it, so many people care about me…

Yet, I still want to apologize for ditching my buddies at the Berkeley Marina thing.

———–

Actual quote: “Nicole, one day, you have to teach me your ways so people don’t take advantage of me”

See, someone appreciates me for being who I am…

Ok, to clear things up, I definitely DON’T take advantage of other people.

——–

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