new leaf

I think I’m most like Micheal.

I’m an extremely self-centered person; I always try to steer a conversation toward things about me. Whenever something good happens to another person, I feel cheated and jealous that it didn’t happen to me. While people tell me about their problems, I think of ways to tell them about my problems.

I have a desperate need for others to like me and I care too about what other people think about me. I only enjoy being in leadership positions because of how people will think of me. I get discouraged and my feelings hurt easily. I make a big deal out of small things. I’m hypocritical; when no when used to talk to me and I was excluded from groups, I promised to never let anyone else feel the crushing discouragement I felt. I’ve so been going back on that promise lately. I absolutely NEED to show off to other people what I’ve accomplished and to convince them how smart I am, all while pretending that I don’t want them to know with my “modesty” bullshit. Wait..that last one wasn’t a trait of Micheal’s. Whops!

I try to be sensitive to other people’s feelings, but usually end up misunderstanding and annoying them. I make gaffes, offensive jokes, though not always on purpose. I blame things on other people that are my fault, and generally I don’t do things for other people if I can’t get anything out of it. And my love life? Oh god; at least Michael gets a girlfriend in season 3. Did I mention I love to show off?

I haven’t been very successful getting rid of these traits, but I definitely will keep trying.

Micheal may have a hot girlfriend, but at least I know my weaknesses.

1 Comment »

Dear Trent,

Thank you for submitting your application for Stanford University. As you know, we receive thousands of applications each year and the vast majority of them are rejected. After carefully reviewing your application we have decided not to include you on our waitlist. Instead, we’re rejecting you right now so that you won’t be hoping until April thinking that you were accepted at Stanford. Your time is better focused on California shi-, State University applications. We wish you the best of luck with the quality education that only the CSU system offers. There’s really no difference between a CSU and Stanford graduate, really!

Again, best of luck on behalf of Stanford University and thanks for your 75 dollars.

Shawn Abbott
Director of Admission
Stanford University
Office of Undergraduate Admission

3 Comments »

This morning I walked outside to see my dad shoveling dirt. I walked right next to him and said nothing. I stood there and thought about how life sucked because of college essays and how I would tackle the

“Tell us how Stanford would be a good place for you” prompt. As I thought, I realized that I couldn’t really hear my dad’s grunting until I stopped thinking about the things that stressed me. Then I tried putting everything out of my mind.

It certainly was a different experience.

I could smell the chill in the air that I hadn’t experienced since Canada. The grey sky simply had more meaning, a kind of mysterious vibe that I hadn’t thought about since childhood. I could hear the leaves and trees rustling in the wind and I couldn’t hear a couple of seconds ago. I felt a totally different world when I let my mind go numb, and I felt happy because I could sense again what I felt during childhood. Then I realized I wasted so much time thinking about this freewrite that I could have applied to catching up on essays because I played Mass Effect all day, and I wasn’t happy no more.

No Comments »

I’ve wondered why all these years America has hated autocratic nations, why our Presidents would go to such great lengths such as in Vietnam and Iraq to stamp out “opposition” to freedom. It’s because of free speech. Dictators just don’t need to deal with that stuff. News reporter criticizing you? Send ‘em to count trees. An opposing political party questioning your actions? Qiang bi! If Democratic leaders have to deal with that kind of shit, they’re going to make sure everyone else has to.

2 Comments »

I’ve got bunker mentality, I’m a caveman. I don’t want to go outside, and I don’t want to do anything inside. I’m just gonna stay inside my cave and grunt.

No Comments »

I’ve always felt like I’ve needed to change into a new, different and better person every year. I find my previous self overused, unsatisfying and inadequate.  I always hoped to come back from every summer as someone who was changed so that my peers and especially my friends would myself a more socially attractive person. This summer in particular with my Kaiser internship I thought I would come out radically different, and hopefully, someone better than I was before. Turns out that after the internship that I find myself as the same damn person I was at the start.
I did discover something though; I realized that maybe my friends and my peers liked me the way I was, and that all those times I hung out with them they were completely comfortable with who I was. Putting myself in the shoes of my friends, I don’t want one of my friends to be different, the reason I liked them and the reason I hung out with them was because I enjoyed being with them as they were. Forget trying to be a newer, better person to impress peers that I never was really friends with, I’m fine with my friends because they’re the people who I truly enjoy spending time with.

It’s funny, I wrote this with motivation and passion when I can’t even write about my past for my college essays.

1 Comment »

I felt so confident after the SAT that I did well, maybe even in the 2300’s. Looking at the discussion on college confidential, I realize that I got more wrong than I imagined, and now I even doubt a 2200 is still a possibility. Looking at all the questions people discussed on the forum made me remember all the sections I had doubts on, and now I realize how many critical reading questions I might have missed.

Well, at least now I won’t have high expectations shot down when I get my score.

4 Comments »

    You know how when you get punished for starting too early in a sprint? That’s how I feel. I think I’ve been relaxing too early and now I’m gonna get fucked for it. I was playing games during the weekdays before the Comp Sci AP test and the night before I didn’t study at all, watching anime instead. Instead of picking up Chem after my disastrous Comp Sci test, I began to play maple right after school because Tennis season ended.

Damn it, this was supposed to be the time for me to go all out with studying so I could totally relax after the AP tests, but I screwed it up.

2 Comments »

defense is not spelled with a c!

2 Comments »

Am I the only one? Am I the only one not doing anything fun or having exciting, productive days? Up until now I have done absolutely nothing this vacation. Every day its the same routine:
wake up late at 11:00
go on the computer
play games
study
watch TV
go to bed at 12:00
I’m so tired of this routine I’m physically getting tired of it; I just got up from an all afternoon nap. I’m deteriorating away and there’s no end in sight! If I don’t get some excitement I’m actually going to start looking forward to finishing the chem lab.

5 Comments »