liek, shoes

My shoes are gashed. Looking like someone slashed across the bottom with a boxcutter, it’s unfit for use. It’s unfit for construction work; nails find their way in. It’s unfit for rain; I’m soaked to my toes.
My mom tells me to buy new shoes. I don’t understand why but she’s been bugging me about it. I’ve even been bribed; I’m being paid to buy the shoes I need to wear.
But I think all the shoes need is new insoles. Duct tape wrapped around the bottom maybe, new laces would be overkill. They’re perfectly good shoes and I can’t bear to waste things I’ve had since high school. I can’t throw them away; I’ll never again wear shoes bought in adolescence.

Innocence, naivety, foolishness, hope. My shoes walked the halls of the louvre, d’orsey, verseille, the flavian, pisan stairs. But now I could care less. The experiences I will have will never compare with the experiences I’ve had already. And it’s not like the planes have all exploded, boats still sail the seas. But my shoes have been gashed and soon they’ll be thrown away.

I’m afraid, deathly afraid. I fear death, of losing all and becoming the isolation . I fear the open seas, of pushing off shores and swimming into the deep. Somewhere out there is me, burnt out, pulling weeds and not knowing why. Why I cared so much to buy a house in the suburbs. Living the dream lined up in a row. Somewhere out there I’m drowning, forgetting the sense of wonder and excitement.

Remember when we had dreams?
Sometime, in between, wings rejected sole.

Its okay if people just meet for a moment, simply passing by each other. You might pass by each other again somewhere. Isnt that fine too?

though the moment might seem eternal
light filtered through grass and
easy smiles of bohemian nights
it’s water in hand
it’s flames in the wind

everyone you love leaves
we all die alone
it’s always been like that
everything changes

College?

It’s like my life stopped.

we’re all dead anyways

we spend our lives worrying about dying and we spend our deaths regretting our lives

get me out and above so I can see

low tier player

Where am I going
What am I doing?

Quarters move too fast; I need time to slow down and think.
I’ve got like 2 bucks left and I need to realize fast.

It’s like I never have enough macro.
Build those expansions.
Tech up faster.
Pump out the army already.
Where the hell are your counters?
You don’t even have your natural!

I don’t want to end up with 3000 avg unspent minerals. My apm is always zero.

I’m awake

Holding my breath

But I still can’t stop this beating heart.

liberty

this caged bird was ready to fly. its wings grown strong, the gate thrown open.
a breath of fresh air waited on the outside, flapping stirred up space
and movement, the bird was almost out now but
a clang and then a hoot of pain
sharp  fast shock filled its eyes and
tears with clipped feathers stuck in metal

and now neither perched nor free
the bird was stuck at the halfway

I can entertain myself

Nothing’s real, everything’s fake back here can’t you hear it?

I can do this as long as I need to.