Archive for May, 2008
Why I HATE Fox

“One of the struggles that [Joss] Whedon had with FOX was the tone of the show [Firefly], especially with the main character Malcolm Reynolds. FOX pressured Whedon to make his character more “jolly”, as they feared he was too dark in the original pilot. In addition, FOX was not happy that the show involved the “nobodies” who “get squished by policy” instead of the actual policy makers.”

addendum
“The treatment that Firefly received at the hands of Fox executives caused Whedon to state that he would not work with Fox again.”

I actually punched my fist up reading this. Joss is fucking awesome.

it’s strange to think

that my brother doesn’t know of rome
that he’s never heard of julius or augustus or cleopatra or mark anthony
that he has no allegiance to zues or apollo or athena
that he’s never seen the temple of diana
nor the pyramids at giza
nor the bluestones in britain
it’s strange to think
that he’s never examined the footsteps of jesus
that he’s oblivious to the number three
or two, or six, or eleven
that he’s unaware of the cradles
of civilization, of art, of humanism, of modernism
that he hasn’t heard of shakespeare
nor locke, nor rousseau, nor voltaire
that indulgences mean nothing to him
that catholic and protestant are one and the same
that he’s never heard of hawthorne
nor huxley, nor orwell, nor morrison

it’s amazing

how naked we come out
how ignorant
how clean

it’s amazing

Your english teachers want to create pessimists and cynics

nothing good
ever happens
we learn of dystopias
never utopias

everything bad is inevitable

nothing to fear

it’s expansive
the night breeze of summers
cutting through the dark
like the knife of you
cutting through the park

it’s expansive
the implicit threat of muggers
growing in your head
like the satellite of fear
growing in your tread

it’s expansive, the park
but so is the parking-lot
that is the light at the end
of the tunnel/valley of (the) shadow

it’s deliberate
the brave choice of fools
hearing the call of the quix
like never woven junkies
hearing the call of the fix

it envelops
like clean miasma
as spectre lux
refreshing stifles
they ache through and shiver the foundations of cerebellum
occipital reactors disengaged and glazed over
hipocampus quite literally on the mind

there’s nothing here
so there’s nothing to be frightened of
how can you be afraid of the nothingness?
yet i intuit sen and eel
the madne of the oid
the frigh
the terribili

why must nonexistence exist
threats and threats and
a personal threat
personal
it’s out to get me

failed plans
backfires
muffled little explosions
internal nuclear fission
shrapnel’s not released
hull integrity not breached
solid and solid and
nonexistently solid

nothing to fear
because nothing isn’t absent

this isn’t at the bottom of this post
but rather to the side of it
there’s no cure to this
i’m an incurable invalid
there’s no glory or sublimity or
-
empathizing everything
instating the self into all senses and data
instating oneself even into ideas
let alone events and self-evident coherency

everything’s a pond
for this narcissus

but what to do when narcissus
happens to not admire the self
but rather to despise

self-destruction

asdf

was watching the history channel again
this thing called the 7 most likely ways the world will end

and..
why seven?
in reality

there’s an infinite number of ways to die
but there’s also an infinite number of ways to live

dichotomies, always
leave us indecisive and inconcluded
“how do you generalize?” - o’brien

oh and just something else random
i don’t believe in greatest moments or finest hours
i don’t believe in best works
the status of something being “the greatest” implies a cease in effective attempts at creation
because after your greatest masterpiece.. what are you left with?

*the real* disconnected

((ok i’ve decided that.. i never want to live with stuff to hide and if i spent ten minutes bawling my heart out through my keyboard i sure as hell don’t want to keep mark this post as private and hide myself away. i know this entire blog has been an incredible attention whore thing but hey, you click the link, not me. anyways.. i don’t want to hide who i am.))

i feel so out of it
my identities been taken away from me
leaving only this almost empty husk in its place
i feel trapped in my own body, in my own mind
helpless to choose my actions or my words
i’m slower now
i’m less witty
i’m ugly now
i feed off self-pity

i’m. not. who. i. want. to. be.
i’m. not. who. i. was.
my. identity.
it’s. gone.

i hate myself for writing this post. i wish i could be content to hide my insanity. it’s so futile.. yet i post.
i don’t know how this happened
but that doesn’t even matter
it feels like nothing matters
what the hell’s the point?
and if nothing matters, what’s the point of knowing how i fell from grace?
what’s the point of learning from a mistake when everything is pointless?

depression blew me up like an atom bomb today
just randomly
i thought everything would be better after the ap exams.
i’d have more time, i’d have parties to go to and things to do.
but now.. i realize.. all these plans are useless. even after consuming lots of alcohol and laughing till tears come and having the time of my life.. even after all of that i’ll still be lonely.
the morning after..
things end. and in the end.. we’re all just alone.

is there anybody out there?

is there anybody..

lol

am i the only person who wishes for immortality just because history in broad and short brushstrokes is so very leet?
it sucks that i’ll live through 2-3 expansive ages at most. i mean, i grow bored with the internet age already. i was watching a documentary about pirates on the history channel and i found myself aching with envy. i want that. not just on the screen or in make believe, but the real thing with masts and ropes and cutlass. i want the wind in my face and the sea below, i want the blue rocking to the ocean swell.
but that’s not all i want. my greed won’t be just content with fifty years of piracy and a few hundred kegs of rum. it’s insatiable, this greed. i want so much more. i want to live the 18th century colonial life and fight the redcoats for independance. i want to enjoy the frivolities of 19th century victorian life. i want to write for the hippy movement and wear flowers in my hair. there’s not enough life to live in reality. i wish for immortality.

time waster

please skip this (((I got locked out today. Forgot my keys this morning. Usually I have the security guards bust down my door with their keys but today I didn’t feel like literally acting out a half-baked sexual euphemism. There’s this stairwell right next to my apartment. In fact, if I took my moniter and bashed through the wall in front of me as I’m typing right now, I’d be able to see it. I sat there, stood there, locked out. It was nice. There was a bit of picturesque stretched out hundreds of meters beneath me. It almost tempted me to jump; the idea of a total absence of normal forces, what an idea. At first I thought it’d be a great place to read poetry and sing soliloquielly (my god, that could be the first line of a haiku). Some birds flew out, seeming to emerge from the door. I knew they didn’t though. Birds can’t go through walls. I set down on the cold steps, trying to read some grapes. No avail. I stood up, moved around. Warmed my ass. I endured through chapter six with cold feet and decided to go. I dropped some strawberry fanta colored spit bubbles off the rise just for lulz and retreated back to the warmth of puke green carpets and fake oaken doors. By incandescence I decided to get my poetry read.))) utterly useless bullshit garbage waste of

Speaking of time.
Where went it?
Just a moment, an analyzation.
If we look at the difference between music and art, we realize one key distinguishing factor.
The existence of time and timelessness.
In music rhythm, meter, and articulation are completely dependent on time. In fact, one could argue that music is created through an acknowledgment of time’s passage. Even pitch and timbre are dependent on time - the frequency soundwaves oscillate at creates pitch while the shape of the actual sound wave creates timbre (sine waves, triangle waves, square waves, etc.) And this is all without mentioning overall song composition.
However, in art(visual) there is no element of time. Perhaps different sequences can create different style qualities, but art is highly devoid of any sense of passing time.

Put simply, songs have definite beginnings and ends while paintings go on forever.
Songs end.
They end eventually. They end.

High school’s like a song, it’ll eventually end.
High school’s like our lives.

what does that mean? (apply your transitive property)

I feel fucking old. Today at sixth, this freshman girl was complaining to me about having to turn fifteen. “Oh my god, I don’t want to get old.” She’s so right.

I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’m going to die.
Have I been spending my time well?
I know I botched, and I’ll continue to botch. But still. Was it worth it?
I’m going to die.
I’m surprised it took me so long to accept the fact that I’m going to die.

Oh drat, I botched this post.
Another failed attempt.

grapes

these grapes are lonely
the corn’s all dried and dead
fallen to dust on the wayside
same as this night
just time wandering through a barren wasteland
how conveniant

we are the last living souls
i am the last living soul
just another funny gut feeling
feels like brain damage

come what may

be it savagery or sainthood
we’ll ride the vicissitudes.

come what may