What did I do wrong?

What did I do to deserve this? I could be living nice now, with laughter and fulfillment. I could have found myself in college like everyone else. Instead I rage at the end of my old life, making the move out to be my biblical death. Where have I gone wrong? Why have I turned into a brick wall? How have I offended the forces that be? I repent, I repent, I repent. I repent in desperation.

This thanksgiving reminds me of the things I had, the things I gave thanks for. This break has given me all the things I’m lacking. For this I am miserable. Just as soon as is given, so too shall be taken.

Let go of grief and anger. What’s important is moving forwards. After all, I’m getting the hell out of dodge.
I need to ask myself how I ended up in this place and how the hell to get out of here.  I should have evaluated my assets at UCLA better. I should have realized that I would be alone in LA, that what friends I’d have there wouldn’t share my interests.

I still don’t know if I’m judging LA correctly. It may be myopia, it may be intuition. What I know now is that I look for something specific. You can keep your clubbing and your frat culture. As for me I look for gamers and artists, pirates and intellectuals. I look for genuine kindness, passion, fairness, ambition. For reason, for open mindedness, for virtue. Also for indie. Most of all I look for a culture driven by these and these believers. For I truly believe that this is the upright and awesome man. And I cannot live in a vacuum devoid of these things.

If I can find these things to be around maybe it won’t be so bad.
If I can’t I’m getting myself out of LA.
Either way I’m getting the hell out of dodge.

Also the “I’m feeling lucky” google search for “What did I do wrong” links to a book subtitled “When Women Don’t Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over.” This makes sense.